Story from a Daughter.

The year 2011....

"I am not going to worry, I know that you got me, right inside the palm of your hand....even when it hurts, even when its hard and all just falls apart, I will run to you." - Kari Jobe 

In 2011 we started to witness some more drastic changes in my dad’s character and things were progressing rapidly. His speech started to slip into constant phrases that he would say instead of full sentences, and sometimes they were not relevant to the topic of conversation. They would consist of "we will see how that goes" "we will check it out" and "good deal." This lasted for a few months. His text messages were also jumbled and confusing, but he was still able to text for a short time during the beginning of 2011. Trying to hold a conversation with him sometimes would drive me up the wall because he would constantly be saying the same thing over and over again! Sometimes I would feel frustrated and irritated, and then sometimes my true emotions took over and I would feel devastated that I was not able to communicate with my dad anymore. The one who should be guiding me, protecting me, and taking care of me as the father in my life. In moments like these, I had to remember to embrace the fact that I was able to be home and spend this time with my dad.

I wanted to rekindle that relationship, and in turn, I needed to gain some patience for him. I had to remind myself that God loves me, and so does my dad, even if it did not show at the time. I also know that God loves my dad more than I did and this was all in His hands. I started to dig deeper into my faith, and search into why this would happen to us, and how I could help myself get through these tough times; as well as encourage my family around me.

2011 was a tough year because we noticed the most dramatic changes in his speech, personality, and empathy. He started doing things just for himself, and acting selfish like I explained in 2010 but to a larger degree. It really bothered me the way he would go about situations; his lack of interest in what we were doing at home, or his sole interest in only what “he” was doing, with no interest in others. He would also own the road when he was driving, and seemed to be irritable to everyone else out driving. It made me not want to drive with him anymore. He had this attitude that he was always right, and as a daughter, there really was no point in arguing with him. You could tell from his mannerism around other people, even when we were in public, he would get his way and made it clear that he was right. It was embarrassing at times when we were out in public together and he would have no regard for other people and their desires. I was shocked, and I was trying to figure out what my life would look like with this continuing to get worse instead of better. I started to pick apart my brain with how I could help him. I began to figure out how I could support my dad, and how I could love my dad despite the circumstances and despite how angry I felt towards him sometimes. He would do the same for me if the situation was swapped, and I knew this disease was not his fault, so I needed to forgive and love him unconditionally. This was a daily thing that I had to remind myself to do because life was hard, and this situation was beyond anything I could of ever imagined happening to my family. I had to stand up for my family in public, and brush things off that truly did not matter anymore.  My eyes began to open up to what really was important, and keeping my dad safe was one of them.

Some other unusual changes that we saw in 2011 was an intense weight loss and the capacity to spend money on things that normally he would not buy, or would not be an option because we had other expenses (totally not his budget saving personality like before). For many years he has always been a hefty guy; strong and bigger built, like his brothers and dad (don't tell them I said that). When I was younger, he used to tell me that his 6-pack abs were "insulated." I still laugh at that to this day because it was so clever. But in 2011 my dad started to lose weight, but in an unhealthy way. With this mental disease, people crave sweet sugary food more than anything else.  But with the disease my dad started buying excessive amounts of processed goodies, and sweets. It was unlike him to buy it in bulk and on a daily basis. But as some health nuts know, that when you overeat on sugar and not much else, you can tend to lose weight as well as muscle. My dad started slowly progressing on his weight loss, but he was excited about it! He would write down how much he had lost and then show us the number on the scale as well. Since he had started having trouble talking, this is how he would express himself to us. For a while we were excited for him, but then it started to turn for the worst when we realized how it was happening and what his diet consisted of. His speech also started to go to one word sayings such as yes and no, with head shakes included. When he could not enunciate the things he wanted to say, he would point or write down words to tell us.  I started to pray more intentionally.

I started to pray for what to do next, and what we could do to make this situation bearable for us all as well as look for what God’s plan was through all of this. Looking back on things now, God had his hand on our situation through it all. He placed specific people in our lives to guide, help, and direct us; and to look out for my dad when we had no idea! People in Tumwater knew who my dad was, and they would watch out for him when he was out grocery shopping or driving around. What a blessing that was. 

Graduation May 2011

My mama and papa supporting me :) 

The middle to end of 2011 was very attention-grabbing to everyone around us. I graduated from Washington State University! Yay! Which was a huge blessing in itself because of how challenging that was for me because of working, school and my family, but I made it. I received my Bachelors in Early Childhood Human Development with a minor in Psychology! But around that same time, my dad and his driving had started to become unsettling, and more aggressive, and his speech was also almost gone. When we traveled over the state to WSU in May for my graduation, my Uncle (Fred Hensley) from Texas, came to watch me graduate and was also a fellow Coug! He ended up renting a huge van for us to travel over to the Eastside because we all were watching my dad and his driving go downhill, and in all honesty we did not feel safe driving with my dad all the way across the state. This was a huge blessing because my dad cooperated (if things were different or out of the norm, it was hard to explain to him and show him what was happening. It took much planning and negotiating on our part but he was excited to be the passenger and pointed my uncle along the way), and loved the road trip! I also got the privilege of having my dad at my graduation, which I will never forget. The joy on his face is something that I will remember forever. 

Graduation party in June 2011, my dad and I

My family who I love so dearly! Go Cougs!

In November of 2011, we went on a family vacation to Arizona to visit my grandparents; and my mom and I traveled alone with my dad. This is something that we still talk about and will always reminisce about because it was a monumental time in our life; we really realized how much worse my dad had become in the last couple of months and it was happening right in front of us. We could not leave his side anymore in public; he would not tell us when he was leaving or going to walk away because he could not verbally communicate anymore. We had to constantly keep an eye on him in the airport and wherever we went. He unfortunately had child-like motives, and we had to make sure we knew where he was, especially in an airport full of people quickly moving around. Therefore we followed him and when he would smile proudly at people or show them pictures on his phone, we were his words. Something to know about my dad: he was an amazing handyman and hard worker his whole life. I don't know anybody who would of beat my dad in this department, but then again I can say that because he was MY dad, and I love him so much that I can brag about him. He had many pictures of our family on his phone, and also his prize possession; a 1933 Ford Roadster that he built from the ground up. He loved to show off his car (rightfully so) and show people pictures because he had worked so hard on it, and had finished it Spring of 2010. So while he would put his phone up to people's faces to show them the pictures, we had to smile politely and then explain what he was doing and why he was showing it to them. This happened constantly in the airport and also on the plane. At the time I was pretty embarrassed and would just laugh off some of the things he would do, but now looking back at it, this was his way of communicating and staying in contact with other people. My dad knew what was going on around him and he wanted to be a part of the world in any way he could. Showing pictures on his phone was his own personal way of "talking" to others, and I see that now. There were other personality traits that we had to monitor, but talking was something we watched leave over the span of months, and now his way of communicating was through behaviors and pictures. We accepted and embraced this new part of our life, and as a family, we felt like we could guess what he was meaning to say or point to most of the time. We especially knew that if we were right, my dad would look at us and give us the brightest, most comforting smile. We had a wonderful time in Arizona but I must say it was a very tough trip for all of us as well. All of my family knew dad was sick, and we did not know what else to do except love on him and do things his way. There was no cure, and that is always the hardest part because as humans, we want to help anyway we can and fix things. There was nothing to fix here. 

All we could do was spend as much time with Dad as possible, and try to figure out how to keep him comfortable and happy. Even if that meant that we had to put our lives and dreams on hold, and do things differently. We made it through the year by holding onto each other and to God. God was the only one who could gave us peace and comfort during this season of trial. 

Scripture that comforted me and gave me hope:

Romans 12:12 Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in times of trouble, and keep on praying.

John 16:33 Jesus said “I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”

Philippians 4:6-7 Do not worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:13 For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.

1 Peter 1:6-9 So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold- though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world. You love him even though you have never seen him. Though you do not see him now, you trust him; and you rejoice with a glorious, inexpressible joy. The reward for trusting him will be the salvation of your souls. 

Song that has really represented this time for me, oh how I love Kari Jobe. 

Please check out this website if you want to know more about FTD, and what the mental disease incorporates. 

http://memory.ucsf.edu/ftd/

Story from a daughter

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them. Romans 8:28

The year 2010...

In January 2010 we knew something was wrong when my dad Richard Hensley, was let go from his Civil Engineer career completely out of the blue. This shocked the family. I was at school so I did not give it much thought except that it was unsettling; I thought that he would for sure get another job relatively soon. He told us it was because of budget cuts, and he believed he would get hired back on soon or for another project. In my heart there was something deeper and unsettling about this. The more I thought about this I knew what it was going to mean for my family. My dad was an extremely intelligent man, and he worked so hard to get to where he was at his career. He was in charge of large bridge and road projects and was well known in his field around the state. I was curious, how did he get let go after all he has done? Why was he the one chosen when he seemed to have a higher position? We waited in anticipation for him to get hired back on, or for something else to come up. When nothing did for months, we started to worry.

Something was deeper than surface level “budget cuts at work”. We didn't know what “deeper” meant until my mom took dad to the doctor in May 2010 because of some unusual behavior she started to notice. They did a few different tests on him to try to pinpoint where this was coming from and what could have happened.  I was not home due to still being at school, but mom knew something was going on with her husband because of daily interactions with him. My mom told the doctors in between tears that "this is not my husband, help me figure out what is going on." We were blindsided by the fact that this could be something severe like a mild stroke, a brain tumor, or some other kind of brain injury etc. In the short amount of time from January – May, my mom sensed that something was “off” behaviorally and she searched frantically for answers. During this time, it started to catch everyone’s attention when my dad still could not find a job. He had received a small project but it did not last long before they asked him not to be involved anymore.

The doctors eventually (after months and months of different tests) zeroed in specifically that it was the mental disease called FTD; Frontotemporal Dementia. My dad was still young, 51 years old when we found out; so it was diagnosed as early onset FTD. There any many specific details that accompany FTD, but the main characteristics that were beginning to play out in my dad were his speech, behavior, and empathy. After researching ourselves what FTD was, we knew this sounded like what we were seeing everyday with my dad. He was slowly becoming less empathetic, his personality was changing before our eyes, and his speech was becoming repetitive phrases. This was coming on fast, and the only thing we knew how to do was to take it one day at a time, and give the rest to The Lord.

Back in January when he lost his job (which we later found out was because of his communication to the contractors, not because of budget cuts) he started playing video games for hours a day, which was completely unusual for us to see. We were the typical, all American, Christian family, who ALWAYS sat together at the table for dinner, did our homework after school, and BARELY got to watch television; let alone sit in front of it for hours playing video games! Even on the weekends during high school I was not allowed to sleep in very long, there was always work to be done and things to do around the house. I remember my parents were always outside doing something because they enjoyed it, and it was something they did together. So we learned to do it too!  Therefore you can imagine that we were all shocked beyond belief at what my dad was doing. This was a wakeup call for my sister, my mom, my brother and me. Before my brother got married in March 2010, he lived at home from January to March. He saw some of the prime behavioral changes before he got married because he was living at home with dad right when dad got laid off. Dad still worked outside in the yard for parts of the day, diligently worked on the new hot rod ( summer of 2009 he finished his 1933 Roadster and in January started a new car project), took his 1933 hot rod for many drives and shows, and spent time inside watching television the rest of the time. My brother was able to spend time with dad before he got married, and before I moved home for the summer. Summer was a great time for my dad to still be outside and he could take his car around town!  

Smiling proudly by his car :) 

He won many awards for his car that he was so proud of! 

In June 2010 I moved home, found out the details myself, and started to observe what was happening to my dad. Summer of 2010 was a summer that changed my life forever because I made a decision to put my family first, and focus on loving my dad to the best of my ability.

We knew now that we were facing this disease head on with no medical support from doctors because the doctors had no cure or real answer to give us about how to help save my dad from here on out. This mental disease has no cure. The doctors would give us tidbits of advice and things that we "might see start to happen" or "could happen soon," but in all honesty, no one knew specifics to what we were going through at home. It was hard to imagine unless you were in our shoes and living day by day with someone who is becoming a different person in front of your eyes. There was nothing we could do but love my dad, do the best we could, and pray for a miracle. We began to find websites and books that gave us more information than doctors did and that helped tremendously; but again nothing compares to what we saw and the characteristics of the disease we were dealing with. As a daughter, I was observing my dad and learning something new every day about the person he was becoming. He started to become possessive, less interested in my life, and no empathy for those around him. He used to ask about my life and what was going on and he would want to spend quality father-daughter time together in the past. Now it seemed to be all about him, and what he was interested in doing. He was excited that I had moved back home, but he never asked me why.

Summer Family day at Tumwater Falls Park, 2010! 

Trip by the water with Dad, Mom, Megan, Matt and Me!  

Supporting dad during the summer at some car shows! 

My mom and I, who were living at home full time once summer ended (Megan was in her second year of school at Eastern Washington University, and Brian and Jacquiline were living their newly married life in Tigard, Oregon) had our worlds turned upside down by the behavior that we saw progressively appear. There was absolutely no reasoning with my dad on anything, and the few times you would try to reason or communicate with him, he did not sympathize or would ever so kindly tell you to go to another room if you did not want to watch what he choose. Occasionally he would still go out in the shop, do some yard work, or work on his new car he was building. But if he came in and you happened to be watching television, he would pick up the remote like nothing else mattered and turned on his show/game. WHAT! How rude is that! I had to bite my tongue and realize THIS IS NOT MY DAD, and I could not get mad like I used to! There was not much emotion, or empathy for others from him anymore, and as his daughter, I had to learn to accept this. It was not my dads fault, and in turn, I needed to love him even more. (I know I know, it really was only television, not the end of my life, but I was upset. I really would be into a show or a movie with my mom, and I would just have to let it go and love my dad through all of this.) 

The constant television continued on and off throughout the day, and all evening. It would switch between the Q13 Fox News, and the video game called Halo. Therefore my mom and I hardly watched television in the evenings because hearing a video game for hours can only be music to your ears for so long, and the news tends to be depressing these days. So my mom and I both started to pick up some extra side hobbies such reading, cooking, and talking to each other more in depth. Mom worked full time and I was taking my classes online to finish my degree, and working part time at the Boys and Girls Club of Tumwater. I knew that since things had just "worked out perfectly" for me (I say that in quotations because now I know and can see the work of God in my life, but back than I thought to myself that things just were "perfect"), and that I was able to fully take all the classes I needed, and continue working at the same time. I also was able to find someone to take my room back in Pullman and not have to pay rent! God had his hand on my life the whole time whether I knew it or not, and I knew I was doing the right thing by being home during this time. It was hard because I was not around all of my friends anymore and it was just my mom, my dad, and myself living at home. It was a complete culture change for me because I was just living with 50 + girls in my sorority at school, and now there were 3. I was set and determined to finish school, stay organized, work my booty off, and complete school in due time while also spending time with my dear family. For me I knew I needed some friends while going through this difficult time. I needed some people that were close to my age, that I could share stories with and also do things with outside of  my house. I started to pray that God would bring friends into my life, because all of my high school friends were still in school and lived all around the state and even out of the state, and my sorority friends were in Seattle or still back in Pullman! God provided and answered my prayers, I was able to join a small woman's bible study with some friends that I knew in middle school, and some other great ladies! I met a few girls at my church and some through my work. I had some genuine friends to spend time with and that could help walk me through this life change. It kept my social life going and my life was moving along again, for a little bit! 

So much fun with my friend Holly, September 2010! 

This mental disease takes over the whole front part of the brain which is reasoning, personality, empathy, and speech. In 2010 his personality was constantly dissipating and changing and his speech was starting to become limited. The dad/husband that we knew and grew up with, was becoming this man who was self-centered, selfish, rude, and possessive. All of these traits were being enhanced as the months went on and on, and all we could do was walk on egg shells throughout the house and try not to stir up the pot of emotions between each member of the family, especially my dad. This was an ongoing learning process as we watched his behavior to see what triggered certain patterns for him. His new personality became exaggerated and we watched him become a man who we had no idea how to act around him because some things he did were so out of character. The heart wrenching part was that my dad did not even know this was happening to him, he continued life like nothing was wrong. Which in turn, I started to realize, was a blessing from God because what would you do if you knew this was happening to you? 

In 2011 I graduated from college and life started to get a bit more challenging, stay tuned next Sunday afternoon to read about what happened in 2011 for my family and me. Life continued to toss us around but God kept our feet on the ground, and He never left our side.   

Do not be afraid, for I am with you. Do not be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand. Isaiah 41:10

This song touches my heart. Kari Jobe is so anointed and full of the Holy Spirit, I love all of her songs. My mom gave me her first album in 2010 and I could not stop listening to it. 

A book that helped me through each day: Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young. Given to me by Grandma Marie Hensley :) This book I read almost everyday (and still do) and it helped me form a closer relationship to Jesus. Some days were so tough living at home and feeling helpless, but than reading this book helped remind me that I was not doing this alone. Jesus was always with me and by my side, I just needed to realize it and trust him. 

Here is a website with more specific information on FTD if you are interested: http://memory.ucsf.edu/ftd/

  

Life Altering News

To Him be ALL the glory. 

I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13

He is my almighty faithful God who has strengthened me to write this blog post and share it with others who want to read it.

Over the last three years things have happened in my life that completely changed me, as well as my family. Unfortunately I cannot put every detail into my blog, but I will try my best so that you can truly capture the feelings and emotions we went through together. My focus is to try to cover the main points and give an overall experience of what happened and why I wanted to write my story. If you would like to ask me questions, or know more about my testimony, please don't hesitate to ask. I would love to talk more about it to those who are curious. I am here to share as well as show comfort and love others because of my own story.

He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. 2 Corinthians 1:4

A few years ago it would have been too difficult to write this post with such honesty and truth from my heart. I cared too much about what others thought about me, and how people perceived me - Sarah Marie Hensley. I chose to write this because the only one I am serving now is God, and to Him be all the glory for who I am and what has happened in my life the past three years. He slowly changed my life once I began to surrender it to Him. He has shown me how truly precious I am as a woman, and also the beautiful life that we have on earth. The life we have on earth is such a gift; a gift that we don’t deserve due to our self-serving nature of wanting to please ourselves. We have it because of what Jesus did for us. I truly believe that. I believe this is just a glimpse of what God has for us, an eternal life which will be more than we can fathom. Since I have this gift of being on earth for a while, I want to show others how God has changed my life and share my testimony. He continues to bless me and I want to share that joy. The official definition of joy is: a feeling of great pleasure, happiness and the expression of such a feeling. Joy has become the anthem of my life.   

"For I know the plans I have for you,” says The Lord. "They are plans for good, and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them. Romans 8:28

A little glimpse into my life in 2010:

In summer 2010 I truly believed that I was living the dream. I was attending school at Washington State University, actively involved in a sorority, lived far from my parents doing what I wanted to do, seeing my friends every day, and just finishing summer school for the first time. Summer school at WSU was a blast; there were hardly any people there so it was a close knit community where everybody knew everybody! I know Pullman already is a small town, but summer school was even smaller because of the lack of students and reduced class sizes. I took one class, worked part time, and hung out with my friends the rest of the time. We drove to the dunes to swim, walked around town to chit-chat, barbecued some delicious food, and basked in the hot weather. It was absolutely wonderful and refreshing to be enjoying the season with close friends by my side. I never wanted summer to end, even though I loved my family and knew I would be going home soon to live with them for the remainder of the summer.    

(At this time I was living only for me, and doing what I thought was best for me) I was truly living the "dream" and doing the stereotypical college thing. I chose to go to Washington State University to pursue a degree in which I could use my heart and passion for loving kids. Originally I was going to school to be a Social Worker; but in conversation with my mom, we both decided that it would be draining on me as a person because of the severity of the job. Therefore I started to look for something more light where I could love on children, but not have to constantly see hardships that they go through  day to day. I chose to go into teaching, and resided on Early Childhood Human Development. This degree would allow me to teach young children as well as impact their lives in a positive way.  

 2009 with some of my pledge class! A pledge class is a group of woman that are typically the same age, who joined during the same year. We became a close group of friends because we spent so much time together and experienced sorority life during the same time!

Gamma Phi Beta Sorority- two of my closest friends and also part of my sorority family. We were the Army family. In a sorority you are joined into a family with other girls, these girls were there to support you and ultimately they became some of your closest friends. 

All dressed up for recruitment. Recruitment is a process in which we recruit more ladies to join our sorority! So we dress up (usually trying to match each other), act proper, and engage in conversation with new freshman so that they will want to join our sorority!

Ladies in 2009 Recruitment- Bid Day! We hand out bids to other ladies who we want to join our sorority, and we express excitement to them for joining the same sorority that we are in! It is really fun to see the sorority grow and to have new girls who want to join. 

Senior year pledge class! 

When I went home after summer school for a few months, my life did a complete turn around. It all started in June 2010 when I came home and found out things were not going well at home; emotionally, physically, or mentally. Something was different. Some things seemed unusual about the atmosphere and once I came home for summer to live and could see how everyone was doing, in my heart I knew something was wrong. Living at home again for the summer and just visiting for a winter/spring break is completely different; because one is a visit, while the other is living day to day. Spring break during March of 2010 I decided to take a trip for ME, and go with my friends to Cabo San Lucas for a week. I did not go home to visit between Christmas and spring break. I decided to do something enjoyable while I could, so I did not realize anything going on at home during that time due to not being there. I only chatted on the phone with my mom and most of the time it was brief because my life in college was busy, and I was constantly on the go with sorority activities or school work. I did get a chance to see my family briefly in March for my brother’s wedding. Again it was very busy and full of activities, and the main focus was on my brother and his new bride.    

Mama and Papa in Hawaii, fall of 2009, enjoying the company of each other because all of their children were in college. Such a sweet picture, shows the beauty of both of them. 

Okay back to the main story; one summer night in June when I moved back home, my mom took my sister and I on a walk around the neighborhood by our house. She told us the recent information that was kept from us because she did not know how to tell us while we were both at school. It was too hard to talk about and too important to do over the phone. I knew right then, after seeing my mom's face and hearing what she said, that I was going to make the decision to put aside my old habits of living for myself and support my family 100%. This meant moving home for good and finishing my degree online. I knew deep down that this is what I wanted to do because my family is my support, my foundation, and I love them with my whole heart. Family is forever; through sickness, health, good times, and death. I believe that from the depths of my heart. So the decision was made to leave Pullman and move home to Tumwater. The future trials that we were about to endure would not only change my life, but also my family’s life forever. My dad was diagnosed with a mental illness called early onset FTD; Frontotemporal Dementia. This was the news that my mom had told us during our walk, while we all embraced each other closely and cried in disbelief and sadness. This was now going to be the journey of a lifetime. FTD is a form of dementia for which there is no cure. FTD is also one of the rarest types of dementia. We were starting from scratch and didn’t know anything about the disease. We didn’t know how to help or how to treat my dad now that he had FTD. All we knew was that we would love him unconditionally through the entire process. However, we were not prepared for what came next.

My lovely family:  this picture was in Arizona during winter of 2008 (Brian had just proposed to Jacquiline) We were on a hike up Superstition Mountain as a family!  Jacquiline (sister in law), Brian (brother), Megan (sister), Me, Janet Hensley (mama), and Richard Hensley (papa)  My dad, my father, and someone I love with my whole heart. This was at a cougar game in 2009 when he came to visit Brian and I at WSU for Father's Weekend. His smile is irreplaceable. I will be posting the rest of my story every Sunday afternoon during the next few weeks, so stay tuned! Having my blog split up into different sections has helped to organize my thoughts and the trials that we went through as a family. Each year is very important to my story and I want to make sure as the reader, you can grasp it all.  Next Sunday I will post what else happened during 2010, after I found out the life altering news and moved home.  If you would like to read more about FTD this website has facts and information about the mental disease. Each case diagnosed is unique to the person, but overall it gives quality information about what the mental disease is and how it affects the brain.  http://memory.ucsf.edu/ftd/ Music fills up my soul and my spirit, this song is one that I had on repeat during 2010. Enjoy!

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.

YES! I officially have been a Pre-K Teacher for a month now and...

I love every minute of it and I love that I am able to say that about my career. There are 20 children in my classroom; all with different personalities, different ways of thinking, different cute phrases that they say everyday, different nicknames for me and they are all in different developmental spots/levels which makes my job challenging but worth while. I am called "Teacher", "Sawah", "Ms. Sawah", "Mama", "Mommy" and "New Teacher." I try to only go by Ms. Sarah because for some reason I don't like when children yell "TEACHER!" and automatically assume I will answer to that from way across the room, or even right beside them. So slowly but surely, I am trying to teach them to only call me Ms. Sarah. Plus the fact that many of the single and married mom's out there probably would not appreciate that their child is calling me the name that the child is supposed to be calling them. I can understand why this happens, and I truly can see why it happens, but it still doesn't make it less painful or awkward when parents walk in. Most of the children and families we serve at Capitol Campus Child Care Center are single and/or married parents that work for Washington State. So these parents, unfortunately, work ALL DAY and ALL YEAR. So we (the other Co-Teacher and myself) are with their children from about 6:45am-6:15pm. Many of the children are picked up between 5:30-6:00 pm, but that is still an extremely long time for 4 and 5 year olds to be away from their parents. So I am flattered and love/so appreciate the fact that I am not the "mean Teacher" or something else of that sort, but I am considered the caring, compassionate, loving, comforting teacher who they might accidentally replace my name with Mom, whoops! I will take it as a compliment on my part because I am working my way towards being the teacher who really impacts a child's life in more ways than one.

I want to be the Teacher who the child remembers years down the road as "the one who really cared about me, and made ME feel special in the classroom." I want to make an everlasting impact on a child by my actions and compassionate attitude, rather than what I am "teaching them", necessarily. I do believe that what I am teaching is strongly important, but I come to terms with the fact that what we, as Teachers, teach children and they might not always take most of that with them in the future, but they will always remember our attitude.
But I also stand strong in the fact that I am NOT a babysitter, and I also do not have the ability to replace a parent. I do not want to "parent" the children, I want to strive to impact the children in ways that they need before they enter Kindergarten, and possibly in caring, loving ways that they do not get at home with their parents. Before the children in my class enter Kindergarten, I want them to be socially, physically, and emotionally capable of being in a classroom and following all of the "rules" that they will receive later in life. I want children to be able to share, and use their words when they are being picked on or left out of a play time experience with other children. I want to teach children to learn through play, and provide them with the materials needed to do that. I don't like tons of rules and "don'ts" to be implied in my classroom. Rather than yelling at a child and telling them "Don't do that! You know better than that!", I want to sit down with them, on their eye level and explain why things can be dangerous, or why that kind of behavior is not necessary, or why that would hurt people's feelings...etc. etc. I want to scaffold the children through their day to day interactions, and help them along the way to be successful. I want to form that close knit, trusting, comforting bond with each and every child within my classroom, and strive to make each child feel important and valued. 

I've always enjoyed learning about Early Childhood Education, why it is important for children before they enter public school. Which might be a tid bit of why I majored in this area :). But I also recently went to a work conference in Renton, WA called "The Ooey Gooey Lady." She was phenomenal. I can't exactly tell you why because she is one of those public speakers that you MUST see in person because of her mannerism and over the top exciting attitude; she is someone you must see for yourself. She was absolutely hilarious, but also so truthful and real about the stories she was telling about Early Childhood school programs. She told real life stories that almost every Teacher in the room could relate to, and that made it even more attention grabbing. She had me crying because I was laughing so hard, but also crying because of the tender hearted stories she would share about her experience as a Teacher. She also gave great new ooey gooey recipes for Teachers to use in the classroom that consisted of shaving cream and glue, baby oil, flour, food coloring, play dough, and much more hands on learning recipes for the sensory table. These are things that you can mix together and make this great sensory experience for children to touch, feel and explore with small boundaries. I LOVE and believe in the fact that children learn through play and exploration. They need open ended materials that they can just observe and discover their own way of playing. Children don't need a Teacher to be watching over their shoulder and telling them what not to do all the time. They need the chance to learn on their own, and if we give them the materials to do so, and give them an environment that they can be successful in, than they will be just fine!
So this lady...Lisa Murphy, is called the "Ooey Gooey" lady! She has been in Early Childhood Education for OVER 20 years, and she is a great resource. PLEASE LOOK HER UP! She has a blog and Facebook.

So overall I have been loving my new job, it was definitely a blessing from God that I even got this job. I was unsure about whether I wanted to move away from home, or stay at home for another year or so to help out around the house and be with my family who I love more than anything. I prayed and prayed about what to do, and some of the jobs I had applied to out of state, I did not receive the jobs, and than this job opportunity came up out of the blue and I instantly got a working interview set up! I love the Director, she is sweet and caring and you can truly tell that she loves all the families who attend Capitol Campus. She wants to have a close, open relationship with everybody who walks in through those doors and that is something I admire. I work with two other Teachers; the other Teacher has been with the program for about 16 years. The Teacher Assistant has been working for the program for not even a year, but she attended Capitol Campus as a kid! She is only 19, but is a huge help when it comes to assisting me and setting up for the day! Obviously you can see that the turn-over rate for this center is so low. Most of the ladies I work with have been with the program for 10-15 years, which is so incredible! Must be a good place to work :) 
The ratio in the classroom is 1-10. So every 10 kids in the classroom need to have at least 1 Teacher with them. Sometimes I agree on this number, but sometimes a little more help would always be appreciated (as well as a higher pay, but I won't get into that topic right now about teachers and their low income!). The children that I am working with have had 4 Teachers this year....I make Teacher #4. So you can instantly assume that they have not had the consistency in their life at school, and it shows in their attitudes and behavior. These kids have had different Teachers come and go, and probably all sorts of new rules that come and go with that Teacher. It breaks my heart when a child asks me.."Are you here to stay?" "Are you going to be our Teacher and stay with us?" And with that follows..."I love you Ms. Sawah." This really tugs on my heart that these children need consistency and it's not fair for a Teacher to leave in the middle of the school year! 
I am going to stay with the program for awhile, depending on how things go at home and what comes up in my life! I am taking my life one day at a time, because that is all I can do. I NEVER thought I would move home after college to be with my family, but that was not the plan God had for me. These last couple of years at home have been the hardest, toughest, most life changing experiences...but it has brought me closer to my family, to my close dear friends, and also to God. So I wouldn't change it for the world. Who knows what will happen in the next few months, or even the next year...but I know I am where I am supposed to be and teaching children who need me in their life! 

For now......I am going to just keep swimming through life (I love Finding Nemo! One of the best movies ever made. My sister, mom, and I die laughing when we watch that movie.) 
 

I sure did.

Did I decide to take on the job of teaching and influencing a crazy, organized chaos classroom of children who are 5 yrs old ....why yes, of course I did!


Was it a good life decision? Absolutely :) 

Hello.

If you know me, you know that I love kids. They have my heart and are my passion!  

Other things I enjoy would be my intimate, personal relationship with Jesus, running, coffee, tennis, my family, friends, and soccer!  
xoxo