Story from a daughter

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them. Romans 8:28

The year 2010...

In January 2010 we knew something was wrong when my dad Richard Hensley, was let go from his Civil Engineer career completely out of the blue. This shocked the family. I was at school so I did not give it much thought except that it was unsettling; I thought that he would for sure get another job relatively soon. He told us it was because of budget cuts, and he believed he would get hired back on soon or for another project. In my heart there was something deeper and unsettling about this. The more I thought about this I knew what it was going to mean for my family. My dad was an extremely intelligent man, and he worked so hard to get to where he was at his career. He was in charge of large bridge and road projects and was well known in his field around the state. I was curious, how did he get let go after all he has done? Why was he the one chosen when he seemed to have a higher position? We waited in anticipation for him to get hired back on, or for something else to come up. When nothing did for months, we started to worry.

Something was deeper than surface level “budget cuts at work”. We didn't know what “deeper” meant until my mom took dad to the doctor in May 2010 because of some unusual behavior she started to notice. They did a few different tests on him to try to pinpoint where this was coming from and what could have happened.  I was not home due to still being at school, but mom knew something was going on with her husband because of daily interactions with him. My mom told the doctors in between tears that "this is not my husband, help me figure out what is going on." We were blindsided by the fact that this could be something severe like a mild stroke, a brain tumor, or some other kind of brain injury etc. In the short amount of time from January – May, my mom sensed that something was “off” behaviorally and she searched frantically for answers. During this time, it started to catch everyone’s attention when my dad still could not find a job. He had received a small project but it did not last long before they asked him not to be involved anymore.

The doctors eventually (after months and months of different tests) zeroed in specifically that it was the mental disease called FTD; Frontotemporal Dementia. My dad was still young, 51 years old when we found out; so it was diagnosed as early onset FTD. There any many specific details that accompany FTD, but the main characteristics that were beginning to play out in my dad were his speech, behavior, and empathy. After researching ourselves what FTD was, we knew this sounded like what we were seeing everyday with my dad. He was slowly becoming less empathetic, his personality was changing before our eyes, and his speech was becoming repetitive phrases. This was coming on fast, and the only thing we knew how to do was to take it one day at a time, and give the rest to The Lord.

Back in January when he lost his job (which we later found out was because of his communication to the contractors, not because of budget cuts) he started playing video games for hours a day, which was completely unusual for us to see. We were the typical, all American, Christian family, who ALWAYS sat together at the table for dinner, did our homework after school, and BARELY got to watch television; let alone sit in front of it for hours playing video games! Even on the weekends during high school I was not allowed to sleep in very long, there was always work to be done and things to do around the house. I remember my parents were always outside doing something because they enjoyed it, and it was something they did together. So we learned to do it too!  Therefore you can imagine that we were all shocked beyond belief at what my dad was doing. This was a wakeup call for my sister, my mom, my brother and me. Before my brother got married in March 2010, he lived at home from January to March. He saw some of the prime behavioral changes before he got married because he was living at home with dad right when dad got laid off. Dad still worked outside in the yard for parts of the day, diligently worked on the new hot rod ( summer of 2009 he finished his 1933 Roadster and in January started a new car project), took his 1933 hot rod for many drives and shows, and spent time inside watching television the rest of the time. My brother was able to spend time with dad before he got married, and before I moved home for the summer. Summer was a great time for my dad to still be outside and he could take his car around town!  

Smiling proudly by his car :) 

He won many awards for his car that he was so proud of! 

In June 2010 I moved home, found out the details myself, and started to observe what was happening to my dad. Summer of 2010 was a summer that changed my life forever because I made a decision to put my family first, and focus on loving my dad to the best of my ability.

We knew now that we were facing this disease head on with no medical support from doctors because the doctors had no cure or real answer to give us about how to help save my dad from here on out. This mental disease has no cure. The doctors would give us tidbits of advice and things that we "might see start to happen" or "could happen soon," but in all honesty, no one knew specifics to what we were going through at home. It was hard to imagine unless you were in our shoes and living day by day with someone who is becoming a different person in front of your eyes. There was nothing we could do but love my dad, do the best we could, and pray for a miracle. We began to find websites and books that gave us more information than doctors did and that helped tremendously; but again nothing compares to what we saw and the characteristics of the disease we were dealing with. As a daughter, I was observing my dad and learning something new every day about the person he was becoming. He started to become possessive, less interested in my life, and no empathy for those around him. He used to ask about my life and what was going on and he would want to spend quality father-daughter time together in the past. Now it seemed to be all about him, and what he was interested in doing. He was excited that I had moved back home, but he never asked me why.

Summer Family day at Tumwater Falls Park, 2010! 

Trip by the water with Dad, Mom, Megan, Matt and Me!  

Supporting dad during the summer at some car shows! 

My mom and I, who were living at home full time once summer ended (Megan was in her second year of school at Eastern Washington University, and Brian and Jacquiline were living their newly married life in Tigard, Oregon) had our worlds turned upside down by the behavior that we saw progressively appear. There was absolutely no reasoning with my dad on anything, and the few times you would try to reason or communicate with him, he did not sympathize or would ever so kindly tell you to go to another room if you did not want to watch what he choose. Occasionally he would still go out in the shop, do some yard work, or work on his new car he was building. But if he came in and you happened to be watching television, he would pick up the remote like nothing else mattered and turned on his show/game. WHAT! How rude is that! I had to bite my tongue and realize THIS IS NOT MY DAD, and I could not get mad like I used to! There was not much emotion, or empathy for others from him anymore, and as his daughter, I had to learn to accept this. It was not my dads fault, and in turn, I needed to love him even more. (I know I know, it really was only television, not the end of my life, but I was upset. I really would be into a show or a movie with my mom, and I would just have to let it go and love my dad through all of this.) 

The constant television continued on and off throughout the day, and all evening. It would switch between the Q13 Fox News, and the video game called Halo. Therefore my mom and I hardly watched television in the evenings because hearing a video game for hours can only be music to your ears for so long, and the news tends to be depressing these days. So my mom and I both started to pick up some extra side hobbies such reading, cooking, and talking to each other more in depth. Mom worked full time and I was taking my classes online to finish my degree, and working part time at the Boys and Girls Club of Tumwater. I knew that since things had just "worked out perfectly" for me (I say that in quotations because now I know and can see the work of God in my life, but back than I thought to myself that things just were "perfect"), and that I was able to fully take all the classes I needed, and continue working at the same time. I also was able to find someone to take my room back in Pullman and not have to pay rent! God had his hand on my life the whole time whether I knew it or not, and I knew I was doing the right thing by being home during this time. It was hard because I was not around all of my friends anymore and it was just my mom, my dad, and myself living at home. It was a complete culture change for me because I was just living with 50 + girls in my sorority at school, and now there were 3. I was set and determined to finish school, stay organized, work my booty off, and complete school in due time while also spending time with my dear family. For me I knew I needed some friends while going through this difficult time. I needed some people that were close to my age, that I could share stories with and also do things with outside of  my house. I started to pray that God would bring friends into my life, because all of my high school friends were still in school and lived all around the state and even out of the state, and my sorority friends were in Seattle or still back in Pullman! God provided and answered my prayers, I was able to join a small woman's bible study with some friends that I knew in middle school, and some other great ladies! I met a few girls at my church and some through my work. I had some genuine friends to spend time with and that could help walk me through this life change. It kept my social life going and my life was moving along again, for a little bit! 

So much fun with my friend Holly, September 2010! 

This mental disease takes over the whole front part of the brain which is reasoning, personality, empathy, and speech. In 2010 his personality was constantly dissipating and changing and his speech was starting to become limited. The dad/husband that we knew and grew up with, was becoming this man who was self-centered, selfish, rude, and possessive. All of these traits were being enhanced as the months went on and on, and all we could do was walk on egg shells throughout the house and try not to stir up the pot of emotions between each member of the family, especially my dad. This was an ongoing learning process as we watched his behavior to see what triggered certain patterns for him. His new personality became exaggerated and we watched him become a man who we had no idea how to act around him because some things he did were so out of character. The heart wrenching part was that my dad did not even know this was happening to him, he continued life like nothing was wrong. Which in turn, I started to realize, was a blessing from God because what would you do if you knew this was happening to you? 

In 2011 I graduated from college and life started to get a bit more challenging, stay tuned next Sunday afternoon to read about what happened in 2011 for my family and me. Life continued to toss us around but God kept our feet on the ground, and He never left our side.   

Do not be afraid, for I am with you. Do not be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand. Isaiah 41:10

This song touches my heart. Kari Jobe is so anointed and full of the Holy Spirit, I love all of her songs. My mom gave me her first album in 2010 and I could not stop listening to it. 

A book that helped me through each day: Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young. Given to me by Grandma Marie Hensley :) This book I read almost everyday (and still do) and it helped me form a closer relationship to Jesus. Some days were so tough living at home and feeling helpless, but than reading this book helped remind me that I was not doing this alone. Jesus was always with me and by my side, I just needed to realize it and trust him. 

Here is a website with more specific information on FTD if you are interested: http://memory.ucsf.edu/ftd/