Song lyrics: God I
look to you
by Bethel Music
God I look to you, I
won’t be overwhelmed.
Give me vision, to
see things like you do.
God I look to you,
you are where my help comes from.
Give me wisdom, you
know just what to do.
And I will love you
Lord my strength,
And I will love you
Lord my shield,
And I will love you
Lord my rock,
Forever all my days I
will love you God.
John 14:27 Peace I
leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to
you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.
Philippians 4:6-7
……. But in everything by prayer and
supplication, make your requests known to God. And the peace of God which
surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ
Jesus.
I am not going to go into too much detail about the last few
months of my dad’s life (2012-2013), but I will say it was a huge blessing that my dad was
able to spend Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years and his 54th birthday with us.
God showed up in some miraculous ways throughout those months, and although He
did not heal my dad on earth, I believe with all my heart that my dad is healed
and whole again in heaven. I have the hope of heaven.
Christmas was such a special time for my family, because we
were able to spend it all together, and watch my dad enjoy this season. We spent
the day just relaxing at home; embracing everything Jesus has done for us, and
spending quality time as a family. The weekend that my dad passed away, was the
same weekend he turned 54 years old. The day after his birthday. It was amazing
and beautiful because my dad’s family was able to say goodbye to him; whether it
was around Christmas time, on his birthday, or the day that he passed away. Frontotemporal
Dementia could have taken my dad’s life in so many awful ways; he could have
been bedridden, incontinent, and even on a feeding tube until the end of his
life. We could have needed 24 hour
hospice care or my dad could have fallen and broken a bone; which ultimately would have
him bedridden because his body was so fragile and weak. All of these things we thought we were prepared for because
books and doctors told us these were all possibilities. But God had other plans.
On January 4th, 2013 my dad celebrated his 54th birthday. My
family was able to all come over for this celebration. This was the same day
that as a family we came together in prayer for my dad and his health. We could
all see the way he looked this day, and we did not know what else to do but
turn to God. That day my dad did not eat anything, and had hardly moved out of
his chair. He had a different look about him, there is no other way I can
describe that. Family had a hard time leaving, and dad went to bed early that
night with the help of my mom. She helped him crawl into bed, and the next day
he did not get out of bed.
Saturday morning, January 5th 2013, my dad was bedridden. By
the grace of God, he was only bedridden for one day. That morning I went for a
run and listened to my worship music, so I could spend some time with God. I
came back to find out my dad was still in bed and it was close to 11am. This
was very unusual. I walked back to his room, and I started crying at the
sight of my dad. He truly looked as sick as I had ever seen him, and my heart
dropped. I knew life would never be the same, my dad would never get out of bed
again. Maybe he was too weak? Maybe he just wanted to lay down? Maybe he had no
energy? So we tried to help him, give him water and food, but he would not
move. He just wanted to lay there, and he would lay there and smile at you. My
mom, brother, sister and I all took turns spending time with dad in his
bedroom. Praying, talking and singing worship songs. I know how much my dad
LOVES worship music, and his heart had first and foremost always been with
Jesus, so I felt compelled to play some worship music on my phone. I played
10,000 Reasons by Matt Redman. This song echoed throughout the room, and we
began singing it to dad during his last moments. It was absolutely beautiful.
My mom and brother started making some calls to our Pastor (Tim Wimberly) and
to hospice. We needed some advice about what to do next and how to approach the
next few hours. In a few hours our house was filled with people we loved, and
prayers. The way my dad passed Saturday night was so peaceful, and so touching
for each and every one of us. It was a peace that only God gave us. My grandma,
grandpa, uncle, brother, sister, sister in law, mom and I were all able to be
at the house when my dad passed away. We were all able to say goodbye to him,
and show him the love that he deserves before he went to be in heaven with our
one and only King. He was only bedridden for one day, what a miracle in itself because my dad did not suffer.
If you want to ask me specifics about this time, or just want to talk to me
about it, I would be more than happy to do so. I know that God was in that
room, and it would be easier for me to explain it in person than through a
blog because of the detail, and how personal it is! God is magnificent that way.
I love you Dad, you are now resting in His peace, with our King, on January 5th, 2013. Thank you for loving me, and loving our family with all that you are. I cannot
wait to see you again in heaven. I believe you even built a hot rod in heaven
to take us for a ride once we all get there!
My life is forever changed because of my experience and my story with my dad. I know internally that God had His hand on my life, and was guiding me along the way; but how God orchestrated everything was more than I could imagine. The peace I feel, and the love I feel for my dad is only from God. I thought I would feel upset, bitter, depressed, hatred, or other kinds of strong emotions because of how this happened to my family. But truly I am blessed and at peace, and that is the only way I know how to describe it. I know my dad is healed and in heaven, and I want to use my story to touch other people, and show hope to those who are hurting!
Thank you to everyone who has been a part of this special
journey, and thank you to everyone for your prayers and kind words. The journey
for me is NOT OVER! God has a plan for what I am going to do
next, and He will give me the strength to do it. Stay tuned for my next blog
about what I have planned for my life, and the direction I feel God is taking
me and my love for children.
I truly have joy in my heart.
Matthew 22: 37-39 Jesus replied " love the Lord your God with all of your heart, and all of your soul and with all of your mind." This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is to love your neighbor as yourself.
Proverbs 3:5-7 Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the
Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding.
In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and
make straight and plain your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; reverently
fear and worship the Lord and turn entirely away from evil.
Psalm 37:5 Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust Him,
and He will help you.
Psalm 84: 11 For the Lord God is our sun and our shield. He
gives us grace and glory. The Lord will withhold no good thing from those who
do what is right.
2 Corinthians 4: 16-18 This is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed everyday. For our present troubles are small and won't last long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don't look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.
Truly read that verse over and over again and realize what it is telling us.
The song we played for my dad, that will forever be in our hearts.
May God always bless you.
xoxo
Sarah Marie
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